R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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