Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
