I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
