Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
love makes seman taste better
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
