I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
