I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
