So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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