I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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