The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
