he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize