It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
