I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
