i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
