i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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