ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
