She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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