I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
