a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
