When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
