Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
