Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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