Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
