Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
