i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
