well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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