I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
