Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize