I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
