I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
