it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
