You really coming over, don't trick.
I looked at my own cervix.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
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