This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize