FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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