He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize