I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
