I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
