I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
