I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize