I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize