don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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