Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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