She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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