I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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