My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
