Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
