thus making me awesome and them whores
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
