Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
