You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
