you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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