There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
