I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
