I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
