I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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