I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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