Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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