Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
