Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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