who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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