Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Porn is love you can see.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
