I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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