bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
