she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
