3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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