You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
