Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
