i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
