Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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