You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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