id be glad to
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
