I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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