Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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