I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
