If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
