somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
