I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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