im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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