dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
