Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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