TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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