So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
