Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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