I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize