party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
