help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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