Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
