yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
