so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
