I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
