I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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