you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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