Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize