I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize