so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
