friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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