I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
