I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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