Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
