i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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