She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
